d i s c o v e r i n g monsters

what? honestly…a break please. from myself.

Posted in Uncategorized by Jules on 16 July 2007

earlier in the week i was stalked/almost ran over by a 25 year old hippie driving a brand new audi, which pissed me off on a myriad of levels.
yesterday at work a man dumped the cappuccino i had just made him into the trashcan, brought back the mostly empty cup and told me, “excuse me girl. would you put some foam on this. the other foam had coffee mixed in with it. i don’t like brown foam. have you ever made this before?” to which i really wanted to answer, “yes you little shit.”
i’ve been house sitting a lot this summer. this week i managed to lock myself out of the house. car keys, house keys inside. phone inside. dogs & myself outside. the dogs kept giving me a look that i translated to “great. now we’re stuck outside with this moron.” i spent quite a while contemplating breaking a window before my logical self explained sardonically, “you don’t have any money with which to replace said broken window. plus, doubtful you could break it without causing some sever trauma or death to yourself.” basically it just ended with me having to go from neighbor to neighbor explaining that i was the brilliant person that locked myself out of the house and “do you happen to have their cell phone number? or a key?” one of my favorite things to do in life. knock on strangers doors to explain my inadequacies in handling even the simplest of tasks.
while on my way to hang out at pekoe & read i was stuck behind someone who had the audacity to place a bumper sticker on their giant SUV that read…and i kid you not…”PROUD PARENT OF A VEGAN HONOR STUDENT”. what the? i was extremely tempted to ask the “proud parent” if they thought the lack of protein was responsible for their child’s brain power. “you see mom…i got a C in math because i ate the steak last night…if only you would feed me vegan meals.”
i’ve been reading anne lamott for the last few days and today i read, “A woman i know says, for her morning prayer, ‘Whatever,’ and then for the evening, ‘Oh well'”. That’s about what mine have sounded like lately. I am okay with that right now.

also. a giant boulder fell from the rock barrier that leads down to our front door. it’s now been there for days because it’s so heavy that sean & our landlord are physically unable to move it. so we’ve just been stepping/jumping over it to “walk” into our house. clearly amos isn’t pleased with the situation either.


3 Responses

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  1. Annie said, on 17 July 2007 at 8:19 pm

    despite the craziness, and stupid customers (i wanted to slap that man in the face when i read this), i did happen to burst into laughter while reading this entry in our office. i think life like this needs to be shared – and i’m aching to read anne lamott’s “grace (eventually)” – loved traveling mercies

  2. julie.oldroyd said, on 17 July 2007 at 10:01 pm

    did you ever read plan B by her? it was incredible…but what else would you expect?

  3. Leiselb said, on 19 July 2007 at 12:21 am

    This cracked me UP….I loved loved loved your mental response to the coffee man. Had me totally chuckling…and I don’t like that word even but I guess it works…;)chuckling…

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