d i s c o v e r i n g monsters

"That rug really tied the room together."

Posted in Uncategorized by Jules on 6 November 2008

So much sarcasm, you say. Well. I’ve got nothing for you. Some days are up days and some days are not. This is of the not. School has been far better this year than ever before. But there are still days that I feel like I’m on the hamster wheel of life. Me. Hamster wheel. Life. I still question why I’m doing this. I still question the point. I question my questioning. I question my direction, or lack of direction. I question if this is simply to fulfill the requirements of American bourgeois society – to fit in. And it is. And it’s not. Gray. That’s my life, unclear. Still. At some point I think I believed that my life would eventually, out of a pure freak accident, line itself up, and tow some sort of line. Thus far, I’ve encountered lots of freak accidents (most of which caused by yours truly) and am still awaiting the towing of any line, even a broken line – dotted, Hey, I’m not picky. 

It has been a depressing week of films, which may account for my less than jovial attitude. Requiem For A Dream, The Swimmer, and Raising Arizona. All of which were preceded by 4 months, 3 weeks, 2 days, and Ghost World. Also, I am in an intensive course dealing with African American Literature – and sometimes it just all piles up on me. Not the course work, although it’s hefty, but the complete and total shit that goes on, and has gone on, and will continue to go on. I don’t feel hopeless or even helpless, just it-is-so-much sometimes.

Tuesday was beautiful. Indifferent to who you voted for, you can’t deny the beauty of the evening. I sat with a friend and watched as the votes rolled in. Afterwards, people on the street were honking their horns, and whooping, and hollerin’ and setting off firecrackers. I’ve never experienced so many people, so many Americans, excited and moved by politics. It was awe-inspiring. I also got to hear the voice of our friend who is over in Kenya – who I was missing, and wishing she could be here with us. Watching and listening to Americans celebrate their President-Elect was redeeming, as was watching people all-over-the-freakin’-world celebrate with us. 

It is nice, at least for a moment, to not feel hate bearing down on us from all sides of the globe. 

pictured: Our bedcover, not a rug. 

2 Responses

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  1. Marti said, on 7 November 2008 at 2:25 pm

    I love it that ever since you got evaluated as winter (never to wear orange) that orange has become at least ONE of your favorite colors and you wear it everywhere – even on your bed 🙂

    The secret? You are really summer. NOW what are you going to do?

  2. shalene said, on 9 November 2008 at 2:30 pm

    I miss/ed you too!

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