d i s c o v e r i n g monsters

California

Posted in change, moving, photography, Vacation by Jules on 24 July 2009

Barn

I am finding some peace behind this new lens.

Enjoy.

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Last Day Of Work

Posted in change, family, Life, seasons by Jules on 28 May 2009

Ron McCraw 1977

 

After almost 40 years of teaching, etc., etc., this man, my father is retiring today.

He will now have time to play endlessly with his replacement child Cody – a beautiful, albeit rambunctious, Red Golden Retriever Puppy. And obsess about his lawn, and listen to baseball games, and watch basketball and football, and visit his actual children, and granddaughters in so cal, drive around in his little red car, and have friends over for dinner, and maybe just maybe he’ll now have time to go on a vacation… 

I have watched this man work harder than anyone else in my life, and I am excited to watch him now do something that I have never witnessed in my life – relax endlessly. He has provided everything his family ever needed – but more importantly, we have always felt loved, and known, and cared for by him. My father is generous to a fault, and I hope that he is as generous with himself during his retirement, as he has always been with his friends and family. 

We could not be more proud of him, and we could not be more excited for what awaits him.

It is difficult to believe that he is actually retiring. As my beautiful niece Gwen asked him, “Are you joking me?”

 

(…just look at that baby face! Ron McCraw age 30, about 6 years after he started teaching.)

Sour Cherry Pie

Posted in everyday life, food, friends, love, photography by Jules on 26 May 2009

Sour Cherry Pie

 

Heading over to our friend’s house this evening to eat this pie, catch up, and relax.

We bring the pie, they open the wine and make espresso.

Texture

Posted in everyday life, photography by Jules on 26 May 2009

Hair, Sweater, Dress

Breakfast

Posted in everyday life, food, home, Life, love by Jules on 26 May 2009

 

Hard Boiled Egg w/ Salt & Paprika, Blueberry Bran Muffin, Banana, Raspberries

My mornings, however you want to define them, have been full of wonderful food, great espresso, newspapers, and books. Beautiful. Lazy. Wonderful. Give-me-my-life-back mornings.

I will forever remember this.

Posted in change, Life, seasons by Jules on 14 May 2009

The Face of A Girl Who Survived.

 

…As the year I spent more hours glued to my computer screen than I did living.

…As the year I fought harder for myself than I ever have before. 

…As the year I found a best friend – a soulmate – a kindred spirit at 25.

…As the year that resurected the pen-pal in the most impressive way.

…As the year that pushed me far beyond any imaginable boundary I had constructed.

…As the year I lost my sister.

…As the year we moved to Denver.

…As the year my husband was accepted to Medical School.

…As the year my beautiful niece Lyla Starr was born.

…As the year I took 33 credit hours, and got straight As. 

 

 

Why it matters.

Posted in finals week, food, friends, internet, love, photography, school, writing by Jules on 11 May 2009

 

Love from Berkeley

 

“Patty Keene was stupid on purpose, which was the case with most women in Midland City. The women all had big minds because they were big animals, but they did not use them much for this reason: unusual ideas could make enemies, and the women, if they were going to achieve any sort of comfort and safety, needed all the friends they could get.

So, in the interests of survival, they trained themselves to be agreeing machines instead of thinking machines. All their minds had to do was to discover what other people were thinking, and then they thought that, too.”

 

Breakfast Of Champions – Kurt Vonnegut

Early Morning. Lunch. Happy Hour.

Posted in everyday life, food, seasons by Jules on 8 May 2009

Bialetti EspressoCut LemonWatermelon, Spinach, Steak Salad

 

One. More. Week. Left!

Doing my best to keep the stress to a manageable level. And what does that better than food? Well, food and incredible e-mails from friends, chats, runs, late night burger runs, lots of laughter on the phone, walks around the neighborhood, new music, and baseball games. 

I know that a lot of what consumes my every-waking moment is talk of school, and papers. At times it is all consuming. But this is something big. Larger than school. Larger than University. Bigger than each paper. This is monumental. This is changing me. This is pushing me – at times to the breaking point. As I struggle through each assignment, I stumble and drag myself one more day closer, I am ever closer to walking away from believing that I cannot, to believing that I can. A lot of self-doubt is falling away, a lot of questioning, and fear. And more self-doubt, and questioning, and fear fills its space..mostly. But not completely. In those small spaces are confidence and peace. My voice is becoming more clear, and I am beginning to believe that there is real worth in that. 

A wonderful and ridiculously brilliant friend of ours said to me recently, over one of the most incredible dinners ever, that my voice needs to be heard – that I needed to know that, and walk in that, and be confidant in that. There is a lot behind that, and in it, and what that will be, and look like… and it is slow in coming. But it is there. To be sure, I have not completely walked away from putting my head in the sand, but I am moving somewhere.

So I choose to struggle through 4 more papers, 1 final project, and one more exam. Hoping that at the end there is something. Something of myself. Something new. Something changed. Something different. Something better.

The End.

Posted in photography, school, tired, Uncategorized by Jules on 4 May 2009

Living Room - Early Morning Sunshine

 

Slowly and painfully typing each sentence for each paper, and memorizing stacks of fatuous facts. One more novel, four more films, Six more papers, three more tests, eleven more days. And then SUMMER!

Sunday Morning

Posted in Life, Running by Jules on 27 April 2009

Cherry Creek Sneak - Sean

Cherry Creek Sneak - Sean

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yesterday Sean and I walked to the car a little before 7am.

Quiet streets. Sleepy people walking particularly alert dogs. Morning dew on the windows. Sunshine breaking through the buildings.

We talked a little in the car. Discussed where we thought I should park, where to meet up after the race, what I was going to do until he was finished racing. 

Beautiful spring morning – sunny & a little too cold. Sean headed off to warm up and find his way to the start line, and I headed straight towards the coffee. Latte & muffin in hand, I walked around weaving my way between buildings, avoiding the shade and wandering towards the finish line. I stood, and watched as the spectators spilled in, as kids ran amok, and as the lady on the loudspeaker droned on endlessly. 16 minutes after the start of the 5K the first runners were streaming in, and few minutes later I watched as Sean crossed the finish line. Not a big race. Nothing to get overly excited about. Sean simply wanted to race so that he could practice his pacing … but sometimes it’s nice to get up early, enjoy a latte, and watch a race. 

My runs this past week have been incredible. In the past they simply were. That’s all. Just something I did because it’s good to do. But something has changed. Something in this is now good for my soul, not just my body. It is almost as if my body is a side note in the whole process – yeah I’m still sucking wind while I power up hill, contemplating if my lungs are going to explode 5280 feet above sea level, but something else is also happening. Something I’ve yet to understand, discover, fully unpack… something. The wild guess being that it might have to do with the drastic life changes that are about to drop all around me.

For now, I plan to simply enjoy that which is around me – friends, family, this family, runs, coffee, packing up the bits of our life, the end of another semester, and the beginning of a new season.

Wednesday Photo

Posted in love, photography, school, seasons, Vacation by Jules on 22 April 2009

Utah Desert - Arches National park

 

That one’s for you.

Finals mix is on the way.

Winter Fruit Bleeding Into Summer Veggies

Posted in change, food, Life, school, seasons by Jules on 21 April 2009

Lettuce

 

…So that for a brief moment we have spring. 

My computer is fixed. It was simply a problem with [insert lots of technical, incomprehensible jargon here] but now it’s fine!

Lately I have been experiencing the typical pull between oh-my-gosh-my-life-is-moving-so-slow-it-feels-like-the-turtle-in-Steinbeck’s-novel and WHAT-THE-HELL-MY-LIFE-IS-MOVING-TOO-FAST-I-PRACTICALLY-HAVE-ONE-FOOT-IN-THE-GRAVE! Which is fabulous because it really wreaks havoc on my digestive tract, the constant nausea only intermittently stifled by the shoving of anything resembling a carbohydrate into my mouth. (And no, you baby-crazed loons, I’m not pregnant, this is s-t-r-e-s-s, or grief, or fear, or any combination of the above.) I’ve been in a continual stall pattern for the past five years, and now all of a sudden we’re packing up the apartment, Sean’s moving to California, I’m moving back to Boulder, in August I will begin my final year of this degree, Sean will start medical school, and so all of a sudden the stall is over – the flood gates have opened. Hence, the nausea and shoveling of carbohydrates. It’s been difficult living on the merry-go-round of life, but I at least understood how to do that, now I feel as if the merry-go-round sped up and flung me off… leaving me in a patch of itchy, dry, brown-ish green grass, with my head spinning, still trying to understand what the hell just happened. There is nothing unique, or particularly interesting in this experience, but it does cause a bit more silence in my life. Less inclined to write, and more to contemplative staring while I wait for my head to stop spinning.   

I’m doing a lot of this, and reading her, and him, and lots of other people with their brilliant thoughts on film, but I feel more like a ghost, and less like a sponge lately – more passing through than soaking in. Simply tired.

The spring sunshine, and early beginnings of summer vegetables and herbs have been a welcome change from what has been a long, long winter season. I am starting to believe that summer might just come after all, with it’s barbecues, and sangria, and sun dresses, and long, long evenings outside.

The Computer Is Broken

Posted in Uncategorized by Jules on 15 April 2009

In case you were curious what’s going on in my life.

Broken.

I blame this on her. Because we are freakishly linked.

Only a few more weeks left of classes – finals week begins May 11… it has become a literal slinky race to the finish line.

Twisted & I Love It

Posted in Uncategorized by Jules on 9 April 2009

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about "Twisted & I Love It", posted with vodpod

Friendship.

Posted in food, love by Jules on 4 April 2009

Spring Fling Cake - The Market, Larimer Square, Denver, Colorado

 

Spring Fling Cake from The Market. A Three layer Zucchini Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting, topped with fresh strawberries, mango, grapes, and kiwi.

Picked this beauty up this morning for Jeeva & Rachel’s baby shower. We simply wanted to drench them in love before they leave to pick up their daughter in Ethiopia.

And when we love someone, we love them with food. Good food. This food.

Keep, Give, Throw, Box, Move.

Posted in home, lists, moving, photography, seasons, writing by Jules on 4 April 2009

 

List: What To Take To California & What To Give Away

 

And so it begins. Pandora is keeping me motivated these days. One car load has already been taken to the thrift store, sure to be followed by many more. There is such a freedom in simply giving away. My heart feels lighter. 

Many are surprised at the fact that we are already making lists, and getting rid of stuff, and asking people what furniture they may want. But the truth is that we will be on the road moving Sean out to California in three months. I still have to finish this semester, and there is a lot of work to be done so that we can be ready to move, and therefore every weekend from here on out there will be some sort of moving-related activity happening. Learning from past moves, I am a big proponent of doing a little bit for three months rather than doing everything at the very last moment – even though inevitably there will be a few things that still haven’t happened once moving day arrives.

This question (because they are all really just one big question) still seems to continually float just above my head: How do you move only 1/2 your family to another state? How will this work?  Can we do this? What if I can’t? What if I’m not strong enough to say goodbye? 

My Love

Posted in everyday life, love, writing by Jules on 31 March 2009

New York, Lake, Late Night Fire

 

There has been silence for a long time. Silence is something I am ever learning to appriciate more and more. Living with this man, there is silence. 

But when he speaks… 

I fall in love all over again. 

Now we all can hear.

Moving “Home”

Posted in home, school, seasons by Jules on 30 March 2009

California State Flag

 

Yes it means exactly what you think it does. No games, no gimmicks, no jokes. I will be here in the beautiful state of Colorado for another year finishing my degree, and my husband will start school in California on the 10th of August 2009! 

There is still a lot of processing, and adjusting – and the eventual thoughts about having to pack up everything and move yet again… But for now we are excited about being close to family & friends who we have missed for the past 5 years.  

Pack up the scarves, pack up the snow boots – Hello Golden State.

The Early AM

Posted in everyday life, film, food, home, photography, tired by Jules on 30 March 2009

Flower Mug, Paper Notes

 

 

No amount of eye rubbing is going to make these eyes open up this morning – but this mug might. Up early to finish a film paper. A final paper. Not final as in, never-again-will-I-have-to-write-another-paper-about-a-film (because I still have the other 1/2 of this semester to survive + another year of school), but final, as in this crazy weekend class is over after I get my ass to finish writing one more page. (‘Final’ is really more of a fluid definition for me these days…)

So good morning early world. Hello snow. Meet your nemesis, this giant mug of french press coffee.

Salad

Posted in food, home, tired by Jules on 29 March 2009

Beets

 

No time or energy for witty repartee. Simply: Beets, Salt, Cayenne Pepper, and White Truffle Oil.